Urinal Etiquette

Not sure if this is relevant to any of my readers, hopefully they are aware of the protocol, but obviously some people aren't and they have no urinal etiquette.

There aren't a lot of rules for going to the bathroom. If you're at a party, leave the seat down when you leave, always change the toilet paper roll if it runs out while you're in there, and don't pee on the floor. When you're in a single gendered public bathroom, there are even fewer rules, but you need to respect the urinal etiquette, and really there are only two things you need to know.

The first is, conversation is NOT necessary. When you're standing next to another dude and you're just peeing, there is no need to talk to each other. Especially if it is something dumb like "nice day today". No need to force an awkward conversation in this situation. I'm not there to socialize, I'm there to empty the bladder, give it a few shakes, wash my hands and leave again. If someone makes conversation, what do you do? Do you turn your head to make eye contact? Do you just keep looking forward? I take the looking forward option when it happens, but its just socially wrong either way.

The second is more crucial to follow. You ALWAYS leave at least one urinal in between you and the other guy peeing when possible. Yes in some scenarios the bathroom is busy and you have to stand next to each other, for those scenarios you hope the urinals have a divider between them, but nothing is worse than when there is an opportunity for distance between you and the other guy, but he opts to go in the urinal right next to you! Well its worse when he does that AND talks to you, but you get my point. You need to leave that buffer zone! Then of course there is always the really awkward guy who sees a line of 3 urinals, all vacant and opts to go in the middle one, leaving you no choice but to stand next to him. Obviously the guy either wants to see some bird or he has issues and needs to be close to somebody at all times.

Also, what's the deal with drunk guys? I'm sure all us dudes have been to a bar or a trough at a concert at some point and noticed that some of the drunk guys just like to stare at your junk while you're peeing. It's really unsettling, but it happens!

So if you read this and do not have urinal etiquette, please start exercising some. If you do have good pee manners, keep up the good work and spread the word so one day we can finally rid ourselves of this problem!